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How to Help Your Child Navigate a Sibling’s Illness and Other Hardships

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This is a guest post written by The National Children’s Cancer Society (NCCS). The NCCS is a not-for-profit organization providing support to families making their way through the daunting world of childhood cancer and survivorship.

It can be difficult for children when their sibling is sick or when their family is going through a tough time. Naturally, much of the attention is focused on the child who is ill, which leaves their healthy siblings feeling angry, guilty, isolated, sad and anxious. In many cases, parents can help ease these feelings through quality time together and family exercises, such as a small craft or a relaxing activity.

Research from the Journal of Pediatric Oncology reveals that when children possess a positive personal outlook on life, they’re likely to remain optimistic and have an easier time coping. Parents can help build this positivity through hands-on activities that give their healthy children a chance to process emotions and connect with their families during a difficult time.

With more than 30 years of experience serving nearly 43,000 children facing childhood cancer, the NCCS would like to share age-specific tips and activities to help keep healthy siblings happy and engaged during trying times. While these tips and activities may be designed for families with children that have cancer, many can be applied to families facing other hardships such as a death in the family or parental illness.

Birth to 3 years old:

  • Technology can help you feel connected while apart, use Facetime or record stories and lullabies to soothe the baby while he/she is with a babysitter or in a new environment.
  • Since transitions can take some time, it’s best not to attempt toilet training or major developmental tasks until there is a consistent routine in place.
  • Suggested activity:
    • Play with playdough – Kneading dough is an opportunity to talk while playing, work out tensions and have fun with the baby. Scented playdough can enhance relaxation.

How to Help Your Child Navigate a Sibling’s Illness and Other Hardships

3-5 years old:

  • Even if toddlers revert to behaviors they have grown out of, including having accidents or throwing tantrums, continue implementing standards and discipline as before to provide a sense of security and routine.
  • Give concise explanations of what their sibling or family member is going through to allow them to feel informed and connected to what’s going on.
  • Suggested activity:
    • Pop cancer bubbles – Have children blow bubbles and pretend to be a chemo shark or radiation monster who pops bubbles to kill cancer cells. This will give them relief while developing a small understanding of treatments.

6-12 years old:

  • If possible, let children decide for themselves who will be helping care for them when parents are traveling or absent overnight.
  • Explain that all feelings experienced are okay and reassure them that even their tough feelings are alright too.
  • Suggested activity:
    • Make colorful paper chains – Help children write feeling words on strips of construction paper and discuss what they mean, such as love, life, hope and courage. Let kids decide what order they want their strips in and where they want to hang their finished product.

13-18 years old:

  • Arrange a tour of the hospital or clinic with their brother/sister and encourage them to ask questions of the medical team.
  • Give teens abundant permission to talk about themselves, as they’re probably receiving a lot of questions about their siblings.
  • Suggested activity:
    • Trade something special – When away or busy, trade something personal or special with each other. This will help teens feel supported and connected to their family members through hard times.

About The National Children’s Cancer Society (NCCS)

The National Children’s Cancer Society (NCCS), headquartered in St. Louis, Missouri, is a not-for-profit organization providing support to families making their way through the daunting world of childhood cancer and survivorship. With over 30 years of experience serving nearly 43,000 children, the NCCS is able to take a “no matter what” approach to help families stay strong, stay positive and stay together. The NCCS has been recognized as a Better Business Bureau Accredited Charity and earned a GuideStar Platinum Seal of Transparency. For more information call 314-241-1600, visit theNCCS.org, or on Facebook and Twitter.

You may also enjoy…

Five Tips for Helping Families Facing Childhood Cancer

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Filed Under: Blog, Positive Parenting

About Chelsea Lee Smith

Author, certified parent educator, and mother of three with a background in Communications and Counselling, Chelsea provides resources to parents and teachers who want to incorporate personal growth into everyday moments. Follow her @momentsaday on Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Ashley Hoober

    February 7, 2019 at 8:10 am

    My daughter was quite sick as a child and her brother would come to the hospital and play in the play area and read the books with me at night. It was a bonding experience for sure

    Reply
  2. Chelsea Skaggs

    July 19, 2019 at 4:01 am

    Thank you for including this article! This is such an important and heart-wrenching topic. Our daughter was born with a couple of defects requiring surgery and in many ways it has been tough on our 2-year-old but having these kinds of conversations helps bring insight and grace for all invovled!

    Reply
  3. PeachyEssay

    July 25, 2019 at 4:01 pm

    Hi, great article. The easiest way is to compare yourself with someone who plays alongside and who is so much like you. True, they compare themselves with other small children very subjectively. Their main task is to prove their superiority, and for this they resort to a variety of arguments. But behind all this is: “Look how good I am!” That’s what a peer is for! It is needed in order to compare yourself with someone (otherwise, how can you prove that you are the best), and also to show someone your merits. It turns out that a small child sees in a peer primarily a subject for comparison with himself. And the peer himself, his personality (interests, actions, qualities), as it were, are not noticed at all. Rather, they are noticed, but only when they begin to interfere, when a peer does not behave as we would like.

    Reply
  4. Nicolas Desjardins

    January 16, 2020 at 7:29 pm

    This article made me think a lot about what i could do for my little one. The technology took too much part in his life even at 7 years old… Keeping a good mind and habits is probably the next thing i should work with him.
    Parenting is such an amazing 24/24 job. I know sometime it can be really hard and you feel like if you were in the jungle but the long term benefits are insane. This is the true meaning of life in 2020.
    Keeping in mind that you can’t control everything is another thing.
    I really enjoyed reading this article, hope you can publish more like this one.
    Nicolas

    Reply
  5. Ramya Ravindra Barithaya

    February 15, 2020 at 7:51 pm

    Nice post.

    Reply

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About the Author

Chelsea Lee Smith is an author, certified parent educator, and mother of three children with a background in Communications and Counselling. She provides resources to parents and teachers who want to incorporate personal growth into everyday moments. Browse the shop and blog categories to find practical inspiration for family life including tips, activities, printable pages, and resource recommendations.

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