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How Serving Others Strengthens a Child’s Character

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This is a guest post by Sheila of Pennies of Time.

“Oh, NO!  I didn’t get it!” Big Brother’s face is all frowns and disappointment.  The boys are in the middle of a game of Superhero Memory.

It is Little Brother’s turn next; he knows where the matching card is that his brother missed.  We expect him to go in for the match.

“Hey, just try it again.  I know you can do it!”  Little Brother passes up the chance for a match and gives Big Brother a chance to have an extra turn.

Big Brother tries again, finds the match, and reaches over to hug his brother with all grins and completely happy.

Our family has recently finished a year of serving others each day. We do small, simple things with the goal of spending 15-20 minutes each day on helping others.  When we started this journey, Little Brother was 3 years old.  I want to share with you how this year of serving has changed him, strengthened his character.

Little Brother is a rambunctious and active four year old.  He loves to be silly, accessorize his outfits, and meet every puppy that passes his path.  He is a mover and a shaker, ready for adventure, and always up for an impromptu dance party.

 

Before a Year Focused on Serving

 

A year ago, as a 3 year old, Little Brother was a typical self-centered 3 year old.

  • He spent a fair amount of time focused on “I Wants.”
  • He could be overly aggressive with others, fearing that if someone took something or played with something, that he might not get his own chance.  He might hit instead of using words or other skills to remedy a conflict.
  • Additionally, he often overreacted to actions from others.  If slightly bumped by another child, he would say, “She meant to HURT me.”
  • He would want to help when others were cleaning but needed simple directions to know what to do.

Little Brother, as a 3 year old, was more immature than his peers in expressing himself, in understanding others, and accurately interpreting other’s actions.

 

A Year of Serving

 

Over the past year, we served every day. We brought in neighbors’ trashcans, cleaned grave sites, cleared brush at a group home for adults that are disabled, mailed care packages, wrote letters to soldiers, and many other simple things to help someone out.  One of Little Brother’s favorite activities was cleaning out the creek near our elementary school.

Through our daily acts of service, we taught our boys how to use the phrase, “How can I help?”  We focused on pointing out that delayed gratification can be just as fun as getting an immediate reward.  “We’ll have our snack once we help out our neighbor.”

Seven months after we started, I noticed a distinct change in Little Brother.  Instead of getting into everything and running off when we were out in public, he was actively looking for ways to help.  (Some of his favorite things to do are outlined in Acts of Kindness Planned by a 4 Year Old.)  Instead of focusing on filling his days with random fun, he was now filling his days with service.  “Mom, I just did an act of service!”

 

After a Year Focused on Serving

 

Little Brother is happier.  He is no longer self-focused.

 

  • He works so hard to help others and is better at recognizing what is needed to be done without asking or being told what to do.
  • He voluntarily gives up his own possessions to bring a smile to someone else.
  • He is more demonstrative in his affection.  It isn’t unusual for him to run up to us, give us a hug and kiss and say, “I love you!”
  • He talks about his behavior and the behavior of others.  “Mom, that was a bad decision.  I am sorry.” Or:  “That man threw trash out the window.  He needs to do a service and pick up trash.”
  • He talks about his feelings and the feelings of others:  “Mom, I need a compliment.” Or:  “He looks sad.  Can I say hi?”
  • He knows how to work hard.  He will go above and beyond in helping a neighbor with yard work.

A year of growth will naturally bring maturity.  It is my strong belief, though, that the increased level of maturation and empathy shown by Little Brother is more than typically gained in a year, and it is due to our continued focus in teaching our boys to serve others.

I asked Big Brother, who is 6 years old, some examples of Little Brother being kind.  He reminded me of the following:

Little Brother will stand at a door to the gym or a restaurant for 10 minutes focused on making sure he holds it open for others.
 
Last weekend, another child gave him a chance to play with a bubble machine.  Big Brother indicated that he wanted to use it, too.  After playing with it for 10 seconds, Little Brother handed it off eager to let his big brother play with it.
 
When the boys are sharing a drink, he will push the drink towards his brother until he needs a sip and then immediately moves it back within his brother’s reach.

 

Acts of service do not have to take a long time to have a lasting effect.

 

Service does not need to be complicated to be meaningful.

 

Teach children to serve.

 

It is worth it.

 

penniesSheila began her career in education by working with children and continues to serve as an advocate for children that are at-risk.   She has taught in a variety of settings from a classroom in small town Texas to a psychiatric unit in Chicago. She is the mother of two young boys and is the voice of Pennies of Time where she shares the adventures of serving with her two young boys.

You can see more of what they do on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

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Filed Under: Acts of Kindness, Blog, Parenting

About Chelsea Lee Smith

Author, certified parent educator, and mother of three with a background in Communications and Counselling, Chelsea provides resources to parents and teachers who want to incorporate personal growth into everyday moments. Follow her @momentsaday on Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Varya @ CWOV

    October 22, 2013 at 1:22 am

    What an amazing project!!!! And so so inspirational. I really enjoyed reading about the changes in your little one’s character.

    Reply
    • Sheila @ Pennies of Time

      October 23, 2013 at 11:48 am

      Thank you, Varya! I thought that doing this with my boys would be a good idea. Turns out that serving with my boys has been the best thing to happen to our family.

      Reply
  2. katepickle

    October 22, 2013 at 10:13 am

    What an inspiring story! And it just goes to show that helping others also helps us too!

    Reply
    • Sheila @ Pennies of Time

      October 23, 2013 at 11:49 am

      You hit it spot on, Kate! I couldn’t agree more!

      Reply
  3. Angelina

    October 22, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    That’s so beautiful! It’s wonderful to see positive parenting in action, and you have the good results to show for it!
    Thanks for stopping by my blog–good to get to “know” you! 🙂

    Reply
    • Sheila @ Pennies of Time

      October 23, 2013 at 11:51 am

      Thank you, Angelina! Enjoyed reading your blog–Love reading the wisdom and experiences of others.

      Reply
  4. Penny

    October 22, 2013 at 6:54 pm

    This was so lovely to read. I just adore how you bring up your boys. I think including serving others within your child’s learning can only do good.

    Reply
    • Sheila @ Pennies of Time

      October 23, 2013 at 11:53 am

      You are totally right, Penny! It has been a great experience for us. Thanks for your comment!

      Reply
  5. Rachel | Racheous

    October 24, 2013 at 6:37 pm

    This is a gorgeous post, so very inspiring. I hope to do similar with my littlies. I love the real and meaningful changes that it made!

    Reply
    • Sheila @ Pennies of Time

      October 25, 2013 at 12:58 pm

      Thank you! We feel we have benefited so much more than the people we have helped. Really has bonded us together even stronger than we were before we started this.

      Reply
  6. Debs

    October 24, 2013 at 6:47 pm

    That is just so beautiful, and inspiring. Thank you for sharing, I’m certainly going to be working more of this into our daily routines as well. Pinned 🙂

    Reply
    • Sheila @ Pennies of Time

      October 25, 2013 at 12:59 pm

      Thank you, Debs! Please let me know how it goes for your family!

      Reply
  7. Bek @ Just For Daisy

    October 26, 2013 at 10:37 am

    Beautiful Chelsea. It’s amazing what a little modelling and practice each day can do! You are raising two beautiful boys… great job Mama! xx

    Reply
    • Bek @ Just For Daisy

      October 26, 2013 at 10:39 am

      Oh dear! Just looked again because I thought ‘they don’t look like Chelsea’s boys!’
      My apologies Sheila… these two cherubs are all thanks to you! Such a wonderful gift you are giving them by providing them with opportunities to love and serve others! 🙂 x

      Reply
      • Sheila @ Pennies of Time

        October 29, 2013 at 1:56 am

        Bek-I read your first comment and agreed completely about Chelsea doing a great job teaching her boys. 🙂 We are gaining so much by helping others! Thanks for your comment!

        Reply
  8. Pauline

    October 26, 2013 at 9:36 pm

    That is an amazing level of maturity; very impressive changes 🙂 xo P

    Reply
    • Sheila @ Pennies of Time

      October 29, 2013 at 1:58 am

      Thanks, Pauline! I enjoy your site!

      Reply
  9. Kate

    October 28, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    What a great inspiring story. I loved reading this. Thank you

    Reply
    • Sheila @ Pennies of Time

      October 29, 2013 at 2:01 am

      Thank you, Kate! He is a fun boy. Thanks for commenting!

      Reply
  10. Jackie@My Little Bookcase

    October 28, 2013 at 9:38 pm

    What a sweet story. I was almost expecting to read that Big Brother did the encouraging.

    I also love the gratitude that Big Brother showed. What a lovely relationship your two boys have.

    Reply
    • Sheila @ Pennies of Time

      October 29, 2013 at 2:04 am

      Thank you! And, I am in LOVE with your site. So glad you commented so that I could find it!

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Building Character as a Family through Service to Others - Moments A Day says:
    February 24, 2016 at 2:16 pm

    […] This post explores how a three year old developed over the course of a year, from doing a small act of service every single day. (written by Sheila at Pennies of Time) […]

    Reply

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Chelsea Lee Smith is an author, certified parent educator, and mother of three children with a background in Communications and Counselling. She provides resources to parents and teachers who want to incorporate personal growth into everyday moments. Browse the shop and blog categories to find practical inspiration for family life including tips, activities, printable pages, and resource recommendations.

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